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The Logistics Of Dealing With The Guy You Divorced
Allison Nazarian
We decide to split (or our partner decides to split) for a million different reasons.
Some make sense. Some don’t. Some are real, some kind of made up to hide the real reasons.
Whatever they are, chances are there is some component of “I cannot deal with this person” or “We do everything differently” or “We are total opposites” mixed in there.
And therein, at least for me as someone who is divorced and still co-parenting with my Mr. Ex., lies the irony.
I am a super-duper control freak. I am always on time. If it happens for me, it happens first in my Outlook calendar. With a reminder. And an invite. And a time and date. You know the drill….yea, I am one of THOSE people.
And my Ex is just the opposite. He runs on his time. He is OK with last-minute stuff. He wings it. It happens…or not. He buys stuff when he runs out, not before. Lists don’t work for him.
Sometimes I wish I could be more like him and his kind. (Who knows if he wishes he could be more like me and mine!?…). Regardless, we still are the parents to the two same kids we were parents to when married. And we have to make it happen. And it has to work. And, oh yea, it has to work even more effectively and efficiently than ever because now we have two separate households in the mix.
I don’t know how divorced couples (or anyone, for that matter) functioned or communicated prior to email and text. Because Mr. Ex and I email, text and even phone all day long. We’re coordinating, checking and confirming all the time. And the irony isn’t lost on me — I am relying on, more than ever, the guy whose habits and appraoch so frustrated me and so clashed with mine when we were married.
(And I should say here that he is doing GREAT! I am proud of him and have lots of respect for him. And yes, I am pretty sure he is reading this.)
Thank Goodness we get along well and there is a lot of humor between us. And when it comes to parenting and the kids, we agree so much more than not. And we stick up for the other when it comes to showing the kids who is still in charge. I also think that when you are no longer married, the whole desire to change the other person (at least for me) fades.
But the whole breaking-up-so-I-can-deal-with-you-even-more-than-ever sure is ironic….and that irony is not lost on me. (And if you haven’t already, upgrade your texting plan to “unlimited—” you can thank me later.)
