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British law firm Mishcon de Reya recently polled 4000 parents about events during a divorce, which yielded some not so surprising, but surely one astonishing result: More than one third of divorced fathers disappear from their children’s lives after a divorce.
Mishcon de Reya published the poll result marking the 20th anniversary of the British Children Act, which the company says is “not working” despite its good intentions.
If you have experienced a relatively friendly divorce, the results may look inflated, but if you were among those who went through an especially violent divorce you may not be so surprised. 20% of parents admitted to have made the divorce as unpleasant as possible for their partner, regardless of the impact on the children. Not surprisingly, 19% of children said they felt used in the separation process. Half of all parents stated that they put their children through an intrusive court process, 49% deliberately delayed the legal process in order to secure their desired outcome.
68% of parents also admitted they used their children as bargaining tools, which may not be too surprising, given the advice many divorce lawyers give their clients these days. I for myself remembered my lawyer stating that, if I wanted more parenting time with my children than every other weekend, I would have to give up more than half of the money in the bank account. I am sure I am not the only to have heard that remark and my spouse surely heard it the other way around.
38% of children never saw their father again once separated, which seems to be a very high number. The impact on children of divorces is severe – the law firm found that about 10% of children that went through a divorce have considered suicide. About 25% of children said they had been forced by one parent to lie to the other. 15% said they had been asked to spy on one of their parents.
“This research highlights that despite their best intentions, parents are often using their children as emotional footballs,” the law firm said in a statement. “They don’t have the tools to co-parent effectively following separation and their only solution is to turn to the courts. Children – alongside the economy – are suffering because of this.”
We are not aware of a similar poll in the U.S.
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