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Collaborative Family Law Keeps You Out Of Court

coparentingMaybe you’ve heard, but in case you haven’t, there is a relatively new trend in resolving family disputes calledCollaborative Family Law (CFL).  Where traditional divorce litigation tends to be adversarial and focused on producing a winner and a loser, Collaborative Law is designed specifically to keep parties out of court and to reach consensus on a fair settlement.

One of the keys to the Collaborative process is that both parties and their attorneys agree not to go to court.  In fact, the attorneys agree that if either client does end up deciding to go to court, both attorneys will with withdraw requiring their clients to retain completely new representation.  This leaves clients with the option to go to court, if they determine that the process won’t work for them, but it motivates the attorneys to prevent that from happening by working toward an acceptable settlement.

Another element of CFL is the use of jointly hired neutral advisors such as financial management specialists, real estate agents, parenting/child behavior experts and divorce coaches.  While each client has the comfort of knowing that their legal rights are being protected by their individual attorneys, they also have the support of a team of experts whose role is to assess the impact of certain decisions and to propose solutions.  In a series of meetings between both parties, their attorneys and sometimes their chosen experts, clients cooperate to define an agreement that aligns with their priorities, interests, goals and needs.

But wait…there’s more.  In this cooperative framework, both parties also agree to:

- Act in their children’s best interests to minimize any negative impact that the situation could have on them.
- Be respectful to one another, stay constructive in their communication and to act in good faith.
- Disclose all relevant information to the other party and the Collaborative team, hide nothing that could be material to the negotiation and to refrain from using the other party’s mistakes against them.
- Maintain confidentiality

All this cooperation may sound a bit foreign, scary even, at a time when both parties may feel very vulnerable.  Still, practitioners suggest that likelihood of resolution extremely high through this process and that it can be shorter, less expensive and lower conflict process the traditional path.

Realistically, Collaborative Family Law may not be the answer for everyone.  Fundamentally, this process requires that both parties be more interested in and capable of trusting and working with rather than against the other party to get the results they’re seeking.  But, if you are willing and able, CFL can be an empowering and viable alternative to traditional litigation and a way to set your family up for greater co-parenting success in the future.
For more information, visit:

CollaborativeDivorce.net – International Academy of Collaborative Professionals

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About The Author: Talibah Mbonisi, founder of co-parenting lifestyle company, WeParent, is a Marketer by trade, a problem solver by nature and a mother by grace.  She is also an unmarried co-parent navigating the path that will lead to a happy, healthy son, and a fulfilled, balanced Mama and Daddy.

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  • Collaborative law does tend to be a very helpful way to resolve divorce and child custody issues. After divorce, most spouses still have to cooperate with one another on child-raising issues. Preserving a non-adversarial relationship, to the extent possible, certainly helps and is often not possible in traditional divorce litigation. We highly recommend collaborative law to our clients.
  • Tim_in_KY
    I've been divorced for 3 years. I have 2 boys with my exwife, now 12 and 5. I have added 2 step daughters and a new 14 month old son since remarrying right after a long drawn out divorce.
    I share joint custody with my ex and she is listed as the primary custodial parent. Out of 14 days, she gets them for 8 of those days. We alternate every other weekend and I get them every Wednesday and every other Thursday. We live about 30 miles apart.
    My exwife and I cannot agree on anything regarding school and sports activites. When married to her, I coached and did the homework with then the oldest. Since the divorce, we've struggled with agreeing on what schools they will attend and where the play their sports activites. My decisions are based on what is best for them and her's are soley based on what is convenient for her. I've always been the proactive one to file a motion with the family courts system because she refuses to have a civil conversation. The courts have agreed with me in the past 2 years regarding school and then orders mediation on sports related issues and now I've motioned for a reversal of the custody so that I can be the primary because her lack of involvement in their daily life gets worse by the month. Court ordered mediation has been a waste of time and money. I have to rely on the judge to decide who has the best interests in my boys. I wish my exwife was a rational and resonable person, but then if she was, we propably wouldn't be divorced.
    My exwife like the title of being their mother and when she chooses to be, she does a average job of it. She has been unemployed since our divorce and has had a bad relationship since then. She has been living at her parents house for the past year and is dependant on her parents to "parent" when the boys are there. I on the other hand, go out of my way to "parent" my kids, taking the responsibilites of their homework and the transportation and attending their sports activities all along with supporting my 2 step daughters and toddler son. My wife is a stay at home mom "thank the Lord!" and we equally share the constant running of our kids and around and doing school projects.
    My latest venture of trying to get primary custody has been an up hill battle and I having having a tough time getting through this. If the judge doesn't rule in my favor then I will be back to square 1 for the next 2 years. I have until 12/16/09 to get my case organized enough to show the judge which parent just carries the title and which parent does the job. Any advice would be much appreciated!
    Frustrated in KY.
  • Lisa
    Hi Tim,
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it must be. I would love for you to post your comment in our Forum and let's see what advice our readers can provide. I hope that by doing so, we can provide some assistance to get you through this horrible situation.

    Lisa@singleparentgossip