Hot Toys November 2009
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Shannon Ball: So it goes. And goes and goes and goes.
Shannon Ball
Yesterday was my daughter’s eighth birthday. Just now, as I typed those words, I had to stop and really consider it one more time: Cali is eight years old. When I was eight I had the world figured out. I think she does too.
Her birthday was lovely, if not a little hectic. My sister gave birth to her first daughter a little after eight in the morning and Cali was thrilled. “My wish came true!” she said, and we both headed upstairs (we rent the basement apartment in my sister’s house) to check out the new baby girl. Birthdays are always cause to reflect on our own and our children’s lives, but seeing my sister with her newborn baby brought back all the memories and emotion of Cali’s birth.
I was a young mother—just seventeen when she was born. Labour was long and difficult and the joy and anticipation that surrounds most births was missing; I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety instead. Although I was still with her father at the time I was very aware that ours would not be a lasting relationship. It crumbled just shortly after her first birthday—it’s been just the two of us since then.
I was unprepared for her birthday this year, as I am most years. The baby’s arrival further complicated my last minute plans. Cali has been so excited about the baby since we found out, so I wasn’t too worried that she’d feel like her day was usurped in any way. Still, I wanted to make sure we set aside some time that was exclusively about her, so we went for lunch together and then spent a few hours shopping. It all felt very grown up, which inevitably made me wistful and nostalgic.
My little girl was once an infant like my new niece—now she is glancing at items in the store remarking “I would never wear that.” It may sound ridiculous, but in many regards I wasn’t prepared for the reality of my daughter aging. I can no longer walk into a store and purchase what I’d like her to wear—she has her own style, her own taste. She won’t wear dresses to school!
She is eight years old now, and she seeks autonomy more every day. I wonder if I’ll ever come to terms with this.
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About the Author: Shannon is a twenty five year old blogger from Toronto, Canada, and a single mother to a delightful eight year old girl.
