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Shannon Ball: Be Careful What You Wish For…
Shannon Ball
I’ve got the paperwork printed off and partially filled out. I’ve got the incentive—raising a kid in the city is expensive. So why can’t I bring myself to sit down, sort everything out and pursue child support from Cali’s father?
The process is daunting. Even once I gather all the information and complete all the forms I’m still faced with the challenge of finding him. And when I do find him I have to be prepared for the possibility that he will seek access. One of the only benefits to not pursuing financial support from Cali’s dad has been his deliberate absence from our lives. Make no mistake—I’ve never attempted to stand in the way of their relationship. But she has never been his priority; he has never attempted to have a meaningful relationship with her. And I’m of the mindset that no relationship is better than an unreliable one—which is what it was, what it would be.
Is it worth it? Is the work, the legal wrangling, the emotional strain worth a few hundred dollars (if that) a month? There is a certain pride in raising my little girl without financial support from anybody. But there’s no place for pride in parenting, and I know that.
So here I sit: unsure how to proceed, unconvinced that what I recover will be worth the cost. It would be easy to launch into a rant, to tear him down for bringing this child into the world only to disappear to avoid his responsibilities—but I won’t do that. After all, I chose him. And perhaps that’s what really stops me from holding him accountable—not pride for being able to do it myself, but shame for having designed such a difficult situation.
More Lifecasts: Allison Nazarian | Shannon Ball | Letters To A Cheating Spouse
About the Author: Shannon is a twenty five year old blogger from Toronto, Canada, and a single mother to a delightful eight year old girl.
