f I think about your motivation to cheat, I wonder how little our children mean to you and how much did you mean to yourself at the time you cheated? How little did we mean to you when you can tell me that you ‘consciously’ cheated? You never felt guilty that you cheated and I think that is wrong in any way you look at it. You never apologized.

I remember what you wrote to your guy in one chat. When you and I were intimate with each other, just days before you cheated, you told him that you imagined that I was him, and how much that turned you on.

What were you thinking? You were not the woman anymore I had married.

You had forgotten who I was, you had forgotten your responsibility of a married mother and you simply used me, and in some way, your children for your own pleasure. In the end, you used many lies about me to make that medic feel sorry for you. That woman who drove around in her fancy SUV and was under constant observation by her husband who kept a log about the mileage on her car.

I never checked the mileage on your car. But you needed to say it to the guy you wanted to sleep with to show how horrible I am, to make him feel sorry for you. What a miserable life you have. You told him I do not iron my shirts. The number of shirts you ironed for me in 13 years can be counted on two hands. But you forgot to mention that. In retrospective, I believe that he only slept with you because he felt sorry for you. Do you think he has any respect for you?

He surely must have felt sorry for you. So sorry that he told me, when I confronted him, that I am just a paycheck to you. How right he was. And how wrong I was, believing he was a jerk. He discovered more of the real you within a few hours of chatting than I did in 13 years of knowing you.

Seeing all these things in perspective to our children is surreal, something I cannot believe did happen. Especially not from the one woman I once believed was the best and most caring mother in the world. How could you have ever neglected your responsibilities in such a shameful, immature and selfish way? What happened to you? Who are you? These were questions I wanted answers to. But I know I will never get those answers.

I admit that I had doubts about our marriage long ago. I admit that I had thoughts about a divorce. But I would have never cheated on you and flooded the family with shame.

Tags: Letters To A Cheating Spouse

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