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Recommended Reading: Your Civil War
Book Review – Let’s be serious: There is nothing nice about a divorce. It is tough business in most scenarios and if things turn ugly, more than likely you are facing a bitter fight. And if that is the case, you will have to be prepared: Know what to expect and learn how you build a legal strategy. A calm mindset and a good lawyer are two important parts of your plan. But you will also need to educate yourself. A book such as Your Civil War should be on your shopping list.
I admit that I had a special interest in reviewing this book. I am in a pretty nasty divorce myself. It is apparently one of those cases that might drag on for years if there is no miracle breakthrough. I came across this book with a promising sub title indicating that, provided I follow the guidelines given by the author, I will win custody of my children.
We have already learned that this kind of promise is a definite red flag and a sign to keep your hands off such a book. Accordingly, I am scratching my head over the author’s motivation to use the phrase “A Father’s Guide to Winning Child Custody”. The reality is: The book won’t win you custody. Nevertheless, I recommend this book as a key title for fathers who are just before and in the midst of a custody battle. The book will position your artillery and it will fire your guns. But you will be the soldier on the ground fighting the main battle and you are the one who will have to capture the flag.
What makes this book interesting is the fact that it has been written by Joseph Cordell, co-founder of the most prominent U.S. family law firm representing dads in divorces. So my expectations were high even when I knew that it does not guarantee me custody of my children.
In contrast to most other divorce guides, Your Civil War is a very non-emotional, cold and precise guide what you should expect in your custody case. It uses aggressive language with clear advice what you should do and what you better avoid in common scenarios. Interestingly, Cordell outlined many situations that closely resembled my own experiences and therefore had plenty of useful advice.
The chapters follow the course of a custody battle in chronological order and provide strategy advice for each phase. The choice of words (example: The Path to War: Opening Fire) may sound strange at first, but Cordell never sugarcoat what you should expect. In some way, plain and simple advice is exactly what you want in a fierce divorce situation. An example from the sub chapter of alienation:
“[…] alienation is a pivotal issue in many divorces. Courts are vigilant for such behavior by either parent while a case is pending. […] do not alienate the children from their mom. It will come out, and the court will punish you for it.”
A highlight of the book is the comprehensive chapter dedicated to the guardian ad litem: Seriously, if you are like me, then you may be confused about his role, how you should approach this critical person in your divorce and what actions are acceptable and which are not. Do you consider her/him a second front or an ally? The disadvantages and possible advantages of having a guardian involved in your custody case are described in greater detail than I have seen in any other divorce guide on the market. Cordell cautions about the impact, especially when a lawyer recommends that a guardian is appointed, simply because she/he might not want to take the blame when a case is lost.
Among the most useful portions of the book are frequent “Divorced Dad’s Tips” that are part of every chapter as well as “Tactical Information” that summarize each chapter and sub chapter. Reading those tips alone provide a great deal of information that may support your case.
Noteworthy chapters include custody goals, discussions with your spouse, trial preparation, private investigators, interrogatories, depositions and preparation or depositions including which questions you should expect, testifying, general behavior in front of court, as well as peace talks.
If you are still in a very emotional state at the very beginning of your divorce, you may not like the way Cordell describes the road ahead of you. It is the cold, distant language of an attorney that clearly disrespect your soon-to-be-ex-wife and her interests (well, you might not really care about that too much anyway), and, to a certain degree, the best interest of your children.
Your Civil War is for those who have made up their mind that it is in the best of their children that their father remains in their lives. It is for those fathers who may be losing faith in the justice system and are looking for a way to keep the hope for winning custody of their children alive. If you need some advice how to place your armies against your ex-wife, this is one of best books you can buy.
However, as in every other case, if you intend to educate yourself universally, this is not the only book you will have to buy. Especially child-related chapters such alienation, impacts and what you can do about it are kept very short.
Pluses: No-fluff advice for common custody battle scenarios. The book answers many questions you would otherwise have to ask your lawyer in expensive phone calls or personal conversations.
Minuses: There are nearly 50 pages of re-printed state statutes that are not commented and have very little value. It is a legal strategy book – there is no room for emotions or for the interest of your children.
Takeaway: There is no other way saying it: If you are looking for support in your custody case, this is an extremely useful book. It will help you get into the right mindset and give you advice in addition to what you might get from your lawyer. While most of the advice given is somewhat common sense, there is no doubt that Your Civil War will provide you with a great bird’s eye view of the battlefield and, if you are lucky, it might hand you the advantage necessary to win custody of your children. There cannot be a guarantee that you will win, of course. It will tell you where to place your soldiers. Whether they will their battles against your wife’s army, however, is an entirely different question.
Your Civil War, A Father’s Guide to Winning Child Custody, Third Edition; by Joseph E. Cordell; 270 pages; DadsDivorce.com Publishing, 2007; $24.95
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Donna F, Ferber, LPC, LADC
