Book Review – If you are divorced or if you are in the process of getting divorced, then it is no secret to you that divorce is one of the most painful experiences you will make in your life, especially if children are involved. But no matter how deep and severe the emotional pain, the true casualties are the lives of your children.

If you are like me, then it may have taken you some time to understand what that really means and adjust your life accordingly. And you may have made some decisions that you now know were wrong. Separation and divorce remain one of those unpredictable environments that often seem to lack the kind of common sense that is present in a functional marriage. And if we are honest, that common sense is often missing on both sides, divorced mom and divorced dad.

I remember the bad old days of kid-exchanges in friendly locations like the Waffle House parking lot. We’d start off with cordial greetings, but before long, we’d find our way into the downward spiraling discussion of what clothes I had packed. I often felt attacked, because what I had packed either didn’t meet his metro-Dad standards, or I’d forgotten some important item…like drawers.

The feelings I experienced in these situations were no different than the feelings I was having about the entire relationship. I felt like I was carrying more of the responsibility for caring for our child materially than I should have to. I felt unappreciated given that I was the one providing the clothes, caring for our child most of the time and then being expected to remember every little thing. I felt burdened by his apparent dependence on me. I felt pissed, because I rarely got all the gear back. And, I felt powerless to make him do anything differently including stopping by WalMart to buy a $10 shorts set or pack of socks. So, yes, we would argue about bitty briefs right there in the Waffle House parking lot.